Stoney pulls himself together and announces he’s hitchhiking to New York City to sell 500 tabs of acid–minus the 13 he dropped on New Year’s Eve.
I beg him not to go–hitching cross country is too dangerous. Cops, rednecks, thieves, killers, all just waiting to arrest, beat up, roll, or even kill someone careless like Stoney.
Devil-may-care Stoney. I’ve never met anyone who was so slapdash with dope.
Dee Dee’s bugging me in the worst way--says I have three choices: go to my mom’s, Auntie’s (no way), or go back to Sioux City. He’s really acting scary, and Auntie’s turning up the heat.
I’ll pass on Auntie’s and Iowa, thank you.
I’m going stir crazy in this joint. I want to go out for a walk, but Auntie says no.
I hate flying, especially when I’m going somewhere I don’t want to be. Last summer, it wasn’t so bad flying to California–somehow, the prospect of crashing to earth and becoming part of a smoldering heap doesn’t seem so likely when you’re going somewhere fun.
Jennifer's home (West Third Street, Sioux City, Iowa) 1964-1968 _____________________________________________________________
(Sioux City)
What a drag--it’s not only literally cold here, but the icy chill coming from Mo is frightening; I definitely want to blow this joint as soon as possible.
Yesterday, when we stepped off the plane, I thought she was going to hit me.
Jeff Brown ___________________________________________________________________
(Sioux City)
Finally! I heard from Jeff; he says he’s been writing me all along. I happened to be home alone when the mail came, and, voila! a large envelope covered with psychedelic drawings, a peace sign, flowers, and a slogan: “My Country Tis of Thee, Sweet Land of Tyranny, in Subtle Forms.” Inside, he let me know that he had written me a very important letter on the 20th. Says he’s turning into a nervous wreck waiting for my answer.
Cherokee Mental Health Institute, where the author was incarcerated ______________________________________________________________
(Cherokee, Iowa)
On admission, the patient was alert, anxious, depressed and appeared immature with a poor self image. On the ward, she was noted to be quiet and cooperative in the ward routine. She was slightly depressed but showed no sign of anxiety at the time of the interview. She expressed extreme hostility toward her guardians who are her grandparents. She admits to experimentation of drugs. Consciousness was clear; she was well-oriented, and there was no disturbance in memory. She showed fairly good ability to counting and arithmetical calculations. Abstraction ability was good. Her insight and judgment are not impaired. Her conflict, as noted in the diagnostic staff note, appeared to be external rather than intrapsychic.
–Dr. Mariano A. Favis, Jr., “Initial Summary: Mental Examination”
What a wild weekend. Anna, a chick who was admitted shortly after me, and her boyfriend Benito, took off from the hospital on Saturday. I knew that they were planning an escape, but I didn’t say anything to the staff. I figure it was their bag--they would have to suffer the consequences, whatever that might be.
(Note: upon my conditional release from Cherokee, I was required to find a job--or return to the institution. I accepted a job at Denise's Diner, a greasy spoon on West 7th Street.)
The window opens to the freeway. As the sun slips behind a hill, I lean forward and breathe in. The air, still unseasonably warm, foreshadows a chill, the specter of the diminishing year only hours away.
0000.00 (COCKPIT VOICE RECORDER RESUMED OPERATION AT AN INDETERMINATE LATER TIME)
0000.02 SECOND OFFICER: We're gonna get screwed up. I don't know [what's going on]
0000.06 FIRST OFFICER: Keep it going up, Arnie. You're a thousand feet...pull it up...
(SOUND OF IMPACT)
Breaking News:
18 January 1969; United Airlines 727, Flight #266; Los Angeles, CA: The aircraft crashed into Santa Monica Bay shortly after a night takeoff in poor weather. The crew reported an engine one fire warning, shut down the engine, and initiated an air turn back before crashing into the water at high speed and an unusual attitude. Electrical failure was suspected. All six crew members and 32 passengers were killed.
This is an important fact; two days earlier, on January 16, my grandfather and I had flown this very flight.
I had begged my grandfather for two extra days in Hollywood, to tie up some loose ends.
United Airlines Flight 266 was a scheduled flight from Los Angeles International Airport, Los Angeles, California, to General Mitchell International Airport, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, via Stapleton International Airport, Denver, Colorado, with 38 on board. On January 18, 1969, at approximately 18:21 PST it crashed into Santa Monica Bay, Pacific Ocean, approximately 11.5 miles west of Los Angeles International Airport four minutes after takeoff.
Two minutes into its flight, the pilots reported a fire warning in the No. 1 engine and shut it down. The aircraft had departed LAX with one of its three generators inoperable, and shutting down the suspect engine took a second generator offline. The remaining generator became overloaded and shut down, resulting in the loss of all electrical power.
The pilots began flying in total darkness with less than 3 miles visibility due to fog and rain, with no lights or instruments, and consequently lost complete control of the aircraft due to disorientation and crashed killing all 38.
At the time, a battery powered back-up source for instruments was not required on commercial aircraft. The accident prompted the Federal Aviation Administration to require all transport category aircraft to have new backup instrumentation installed, and powered by a source independent of the generators.
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Memoir Madness: driven to involuntary commitmentis a work of non-fiction.
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However, some names and/or minor characteristics of real persons have been changed to protect their privacy. Nicknames have been used for some real persons, most notably, Stoney.
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Some minor locales have been changed. The Crystal Ship was a real rock/head shop, but the name and locale have been changed.
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For coherence and literary purposes, some passages have been compressed, expanded, or shifted around. Some scenes and dialogue have been recreated.
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The time lines, late 1968 to May 9, 1969, April 2002, and August 2004 are accurate, and the facts of the case are correct, including the amount of time I spent in the Cherokee Mental Health Institute in Cherokee, Iowa.
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Events for which I have no documentation and/or memory of exact dates have been presented as flashbacks.
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Most of the illustrations shown on this website are symbolic and artistic representations of 1968-1969 and should not be interpretated literally. Some video clips have been embedded; copyrights remain with their respective owners.
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Minor factual errors, albeit unintentional, are mine alone.
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Website and all text copyright 1969 - present, Jennifer Semple Siegel. Text/images may not be republished or reposted without permission.
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Special Thanks and Acknowledgments
* To Dr. Mariano A. Favis, Jr., for being one of the good guys. Your wisdom changed the course of my life. Thanks to Michael Klein, author of Track Conditions and The End of Being Known and my former Goddard advisor, for his careful comments on my draft; he helped me to decide what to add and delete–mostly delete. * Thanks, also, to York College of Pennsylvania’s Faculty Development Committee for a much-needed grant so that I could finish this book in a timely manner. Last, but definitely not least, thanks to my husband Jerry Siegel who read several drafts and offered me many valuable comments and insights. * Apologies to Jeff Brown, a starring player and still my friend, for his immense understanding. I can only imagine what it might be like to have one’s past life dragged out and exposed to the world by an ex-spouse. Also, thanks to Jeff for reading the drafts and commenting on them. * Apologies to one bit player: although my husband Jerry had no role in my life during the late 1960's, he has patiently accompanied me in my various quests for information. It must feel strange to read about that other Jennifer, not quite the Jennifer he met, courted, and married. * Additional apologies to three offstage players: Eric, my son by Jeff; Casey, Jeff’s present wife; and Rhia, my granddaughter–Eric’s daughter. They have absolutely no role in this drama, and yet, by association, they are a peripheral part of it. *
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Jennifer, 1970
"A memoir is how one remembers one's own life, while an autobiography is history, requiring research, dates, facts double-checked."--Gore Vidal
Selected pieces from the most recent version of the memoir.
2. Illustrations and Relevant Embedded Videos
I have very few photographs from that time in my life, so the illustrations are symbolic and artistic representations, which should not be interpreted literally. In 2005, when I wrote the first draft, embedding video clips was in its infancy, and so was my ability to embed them. But this is 2008, and I'm catching up with the YouTube revolution!
3. Out Takes
Text that appeared in various drafts but (for various reasons) was cut. The most important out take appears here--proof positive that I have been living on borrowed time for 39+ years.
In the first draft, I had added "news clips" to the text. During revision, I deleted most of them, but, now, have decided that they belong on this site.
5. New Text
I added this category--just in case something important is not covered in 1, 2, 3, or 4.
...The world as it appears to me is my creation, and for it I must assume responsibility. Given, as the bricks out of which I can build a universe, is a chaotic kaleidoscope of colors, shapes, sounds, moods, hopes, fears, joys, pains, ideas, movements...Out of this anarchy, I organize a world for myself. I subdue the disordered shapelessness into a world by choosing one out of an infinity of possible structures.